So apparently I offended someone so bad because of this post that I was blocked from their blog and removed and blocked as a friend on facebook. The post wasn't even directed at her. It was just directed at people in general. I stick by what I say and just wanted to add a few things. If you're negative all the time, people will start to lose sympathy for you. No one likes a Debby Downer. YOU ultimately decide if you're going to be happy in life. No matter what life gives you it's YOUR choice. Even though depression is a serious disease, do you still think you have a choice to be happy if you're depressed? This is open for discussion people. Does depression take away your accountability? Your choice to be happy? Please discuss. No matter what trials life gives you, even the worst trials imaginable, do your trials give you a right to be negative all the time? To complain about every little thing every chance you get?
1 year ago
14 comments:
Steff, I feel that it is your choice and your blog. Everyone has trials. I think it depends on how you deal with them. And I am tired of people abusing systems and doing nothing to help themselves. People ruin it for everyone else. Nobody can make you happy but, yourself. Obviously, this person got offended because they know your right!
I agree with you. Life is what you make it! I think people can be happy if they choose to be. It's all about your attitude.
The people who are not happy with themselves or the situation they are in are the ones that become negative, complain, blame others, get lazy etc....then more than likely, they are the kind of people who take advantage of the systems =) I agree with April, that person got offended because you are right!
Thank you, Pearl. As someone who deals with depression, I can tell you that being happy is still a choice. Definitely. Sometimes it's a little harder to get everything to line up, but it's still a choice. I don't believe that (in my case) depression takes away all of my accountability. But it is no doubt harder to meet the challenges and expectations. Hard. Humor helps. But I'll tell you this: people who don't see me all 24 hours of the day don't know that I deal with this and always, without fail, are shocked when I talk about it.
I'll say it again. No matter what life circumstance you are in, happiness--any level of it--is a CHOICE.
So I just read the offensive post. What was offensive about it? That whole personal responsibility rant or turning 29?
It wasn't the post that made me uninvite you. It was the comments you made about my blog in your message. Why would I invite someone to my blog that thinks so poorly about what I write?
And you told me to make a choice, so I did. I felt you were telling me I am not trying hard enough. I told you what I am doing to be ok and be the mother I want to be and how hard I am working and you essentially told me that I am not trying hard enough. Nobody gets to tell me what time schedule I have to be on to be ok. It is wonderful that your family has been able to overcome so much better than I have, but pointing out to me that I am not as good as them, does not help me. It makes me feel worse. I have been really proud of the ground I have gained and I have fought very hard no matter what you think. You didn't see that, you just see that I'm still struggling. I am proud of how far I have come, I am very sorry it wasn't fast enough for you.
I never told you that you weren't trying hard enough. I just brought to your attention that the majority of your blog posts/facebook updates are negative. It's hard to be sympathetic toward someone that is always negative.
Instead you put our private conversation and my struggle on your blog for all your friends who have never met me to weigh in on. How humiliating.
I haven't heard the whole story here. And Steffani, feel free to correct me, but it seems what Steffani is saying is that despite circumstances in our lives, we can still be positive. I know Steff wouldn't tell anyone that they weren't handling their trials well enough or that their struggles are insignificant. She was simply saying that this person portrayed the negative parts of her life frequently. It seemed to her (Steffani) that the trials and struggles were the only parts of this person's life that were being shared. I don't doubt that this person is going through a hard time and is struggling. But there are still good things in life to celebrate and hold on to that carry us through difficult times. It's important to talk about the good things as well as the bad things. I think Steffani was just saying that whether we are happy in our current situation or not, no matter how big or small the trial or how well we handle it or not, we can still find good and positive things in our lives to experience and help us.
No one that reads this knows who you are except for maybe one other person and I haven't used your name at all. Anyone who ever tries to offer you input or advice you just shoot it right down. Because, "You don't know what I'm going through." Well, of course I don't. Each persons trials are unique to them. When people offer advice/input, good or bad to my trials I take it to heart and consider what they're saying. I don't choose to be offended. I've always been a positive happy person because I choose to be, not because my life is easier than yours. Instead of posting negative things, try posting more positive things and it will help you tremendously, but I'm sure instead you will choose to be offended by this also. I was just truly and genuinely trying to help you and it blew up in my face and you chose to be offended because you didn't want to hear it.
I have a FB friend like that too. Always complaining. Always negative. She hates living in NE, she hates her husband, she hates her jobs, of which she's had 3 of in the past few months. Based on her posts, I can only assume her attitude has a lot to do with it.
I happen to love living in NE if you don't, don't complain to all of your NE friends how much you hate it. The ironic thing is, she's been saying how much more support she'd have if she moved back home for the past year. Now she has the opportunity to move home and is complaining because she can't find the support to do it. Hmmm. Is there a trend here?
The thing is, when you only let someone in to your life far enough that all they can see or hear is the negative woe is me crap, that's what they'll think of you. If it's not balanced by the blessings - and guess what? Everyone has them - then how are we supposed to think otherwise?
We start to think maybe she's a drama queen, maybe she loves to complain. It can't all be bad. It's never all bad. Everyone can find something to be happy about. We all have trials that we feel like no one else can understand. We just don't all air them in public.
I realize depression is a terrible disease and affects people in terrible ways. BUT it doesn't take away our agency to choose to be happy. It might make it more difficult but it doesn't take it away.
We all have things like that to shoulder. It's hard for the person with a food addiction to be healthy but not impossible. It's hard for the drug addict to get clean but not impossible. They are all choices.
We have a young man in our ward that is afflicted by a terrible mental illness. He is fine 9 months out of the year but for 3 months, he is literally off his rocker. Up all night and all day. No sense of self-preservation, the works. This young man may never marry, have children, live on his own without his parents or lead any kind of normal life because of his illness. The illness that only affects him 3 months out of the year. Can you imagine having to plan your whole life around those 3 months. Being completely normal, realizing what you're missing out on for 9 months of the year and loosing it for 3? Can you understand that trial? But you know what? He is alway positive, always happy, always smilling. He does his best to love his life. He loves his family, he feels bad because he know the burden he is to them but he CHOOSES (there's that word again) to be happy.
There is not a trial I have been through (and trust me, they've been doozies) or one yet to come that I would trade for his trials.
Whatever happens to me, I have loved, I have been a mother, sister, daughter. I have done things some people never get to. That is something to be thankful for and something that I can use anytime I feel like being a negative nelly to bring me back around.
I know Steff. I KNOW that she would never intentionally hurt someone, belittle someone or rub someone's nose in anything. I have given her plenty of opportunities to do just that. I have always been met with kindness and told what I needed to hear, not what I wanted to hear. In my mind, that's what a real friend does. They don't pay lip service, they help you to be a better person.
Instead of choosing to be offeneded by something a friend has said. Maybe we should give said friend the benefit of the doubt that they have are best interests at heart and ask for a little clarification.
If you're feeling guilty or defensive about something, it probably does apply to you and is probably something you need to work on.
Love you Steff!!!
P.S. There's this neat option on FB,I'm sure you know about it but just incase: If you put your mouse in the upper right hand corner of someone's post, you can choose to hide all by that person or just hide the post. Then you can be their friend withough being bombarded by negative crap everytime you log on.
It is the difference between acting for one's self and being acted upon. The Lord made us "agents unto ourselves" for a reason. I'm opposite of your friend, I absolutely do not like to complain about things, especially in front of or to people (my husband and my sisters are the exceptions, oh, and I did complain about Chris Brown last night on FB). I guess, I go by the motto if I can't say something nice, then I don't say it at all. Which sometimes means I'm silent for the whole day ;) That's just how I deal. BUT I know when things are hard for me, I tend to be more emotional and I could see how someone could be more likely to post, say or write something negative when they are in that state, because it's a way to let off steam. Maybe your friend deals with her emotions differently and she tends to find herself in that type of situation more frequent. How can we help her NOT be in that type of situation, what can we preemptively do to keep her from getting to that point? That's what my journal is for...sadly if you read through it, you would think I'm always mad (except for the fact that my last entry date was almost a year ago...but still). I too have friends that accentuate the negatives and I try to always fire back with a positive response or start asking them questions that they will answer in an uplifting way. I'm sorry that this happened to you, Steff, especially that it was dealt with so drastically just for one little comment. I usually just assume that when people critique or comment on my actions they are doing it so I can improve myself because they know I can be better and do better. Really that's what we ultimately want for ourselves anyway: become who we are suppose to become. I hope your friend can see that you never meant to offend her; it’s not in your nature to do so. I hope you both can forgive each other.
--SAVANNA
If depression is involved, this is a chemical inbalance in the brain. No matter how hard a depressive person trys to be positive, they will still have trouble batteling negative thoughts. I ask all bloggers here, WHAT WOULD CHRIST DO? He would put his arms around this person and listen!! I know for sure he would not act in a spirit of selfishness and judement.
Stef, I am big believer in positive brings on positive things and negative brings on negative things.
I think you are a great friend for bringing this to B attention. I would much rather surround myself with people that tell me the truth than be patronized all the time.
B-don't be humiliated. Dig deep, take pride out of the equation and continuing growing.
Okay,
I am way behind in this. I don't know the situation, at all. But I thought I'd add a little something. Sometimes, it doesn't matter how good a friend one is, someone dealing with depression needs to get professional help and possibly medication. My aunt, mom, and I have all worked in mental health, and to some people, it's a necessity to get the proper help because dealing with depression alone ends up destroying friendships and even families. I also totally agree with Melissa's response.
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